I Am Fucking Crazy. But I Am Free....

I was in the winter of my life- and the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night I fell sleep with vision of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. Three year down the line of being on an endless world tour and memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times. I was a singer, not very popular one, who once has dreams of becoming a beautiful poet- but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again- sparkling and broken. But I really didn't mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had been living- they asked me why. But there’s no use in talking to people who have a home, they have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people, for home to be wherever you lied you head.

I was always an unusual girl, my mother told me that I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing me due north, no fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide as wavering as the ocean. And if I said that I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying- because I was born to be the other woman. I belonged to no one- who belonged to everyone, who had nothing- who wanted everything with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about- and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzlez and dizzied me.

Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people- and finally I did- on the open road. We have nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore- except to make our lives into a work of art.

LIVE FAST. DIE YOUNG. BE WILD. AND HAVE FUN.

I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want to become, I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the same as ever- *I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself- I Ride. I Just Ride.*

Who are you? Are you in touch with all your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you’re free to experience them?
I Have.
I Am Fucking Crazy. But I Am Free.

I JUST RIDE ... Just Ride...

"Ride"

I've been out on that open road

You can be my full time, daddy

White and gold

Singing blues has been getting old

You can be my full time, baby

Hot or cold

Don't break me down

I've been travelin' too long

I've been trying too hard

With one pretty song

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast

I am alone in the night

Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I

I've got a war in my mind

So, I just ride

Just ride, I just ride, I just ride

Dying young and I'm playing hard

That's the way my father made his life an art

Drink all day and we talk 'til dark

That's the way the road dogs do it, ride 'til dark.

Don't leave me now

Don't say good bye

Don't turn around

Leave me high and dry

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast

I am alone in the night

Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I

I've got a war in my mind

I just ride

Just ride, I just ride, I just ride

I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy

I'm tired of driving 'till I see stars in my eyes

I look up to hear myself saying,

Baby, too much I strive, I just ride

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast

I am alone in the night

Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I

I've got a war in my mind

I just ride

Just ride, I just ride, I just ride

Dark Paradise

I happened to hear this song when I really need it..  to express myself..  and to understand what is that happening within me..  loved this one..   

Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey

All my friends tell me I should move on
I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song
Ahhh, that's how you sang it
Loving you forever, can't be wrong
Even though you're not here, won't move on
Ahhh, that's how we played it

And there's no remedy for memory your face is
Like a melody, it won't leave my head
Your soul is haunting me and telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead

Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

All my friends ask me why I stay strong
Tell 'em when you find true love it lives on
Ahhh, that's why I stay here

And there's no remedy for memory your face is
Like a melody, it won't leave my head
Your soul is haunting me and telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead

Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you

But that there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight

There's no relief, I see you in my sleep
And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me
There's no release, I feel you in my dreams
Telling me I'm fine

Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you

But that there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight

E.N.D is

'Effort Never Dies"

and

N.O is
"Next Opportunity"

...Be positive.

Baby when you're gone.....

I've been wandering around the house all night
wondering what the hell to do
Yeah, I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you
well the phone don't ring 'cause my friends ain't home
I'm tired of being all alone
Got the tv on 'cause the radio's playing
songs that remind me of you

Baby when you're gone, I realize I'm in love
days go on and on, and the nights just seem so long
Even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing what it should
things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone

I keep driving up and down these streets
trying to find somewhere to go
Yeah i'm looking for a familiar face, but there's no one I know
oh, this is torture, this is pain, it feels like I'm gonna go insane
I hope you're coming back real soon, 'cause i don't know what to do

Baby when you're gone, I realize I'm in love
days go on and on, and the nights just seem so long
Even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing what it should
things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone

Somebody I used to know...

i am badly addicted to this song.. may be bcoz this explains my conditions word to word..



Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't want to live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

I used to know
That I used to know

Somebody . . .

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray
To a bright summer day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep
And picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain,
Shall I come back again?
Tell me, dear, Are You Lonesome Tonight?

I wonder if youre lonesome tonight
You know someone said that the world's a stage
And we each must play a part.
Fate had me playing in love with you as my sweet heart.
Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance
You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue
Then came act 2, you seemed to change, you acted strange
And why Ive never known.
Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
And I had no cause to doubt you.
But I'd rather go on hearing your lies
Than to go on living without you.
Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there
With emptiness all around
And if you won't come back to me
Then they can bring the curtain down.


Is your heart filled with pain?
Shall I come back again?
Tell me, dear, Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Maine Mere Jaana

Tu aaja...tu aaja...aa...
mujhko meri sajaa...tu...sunaaja..

vo aahein ..haan vo aansu...
mere hisse ke mujhko rulaaja....
sapne.. tere saare... jinme me....
rahti....thi...e...e...
tukde banke mere.. jakhm...
sine me kar gaye...ho...

maine mere jaana.... kyu..nahi jaana...
ishq tera... dard tera...ho...o..o... [2]

akele... akele...rah gayi bin tere yun...akele...
me tadpun......yaaa me tarsun....
ya ..chali aaun me paas tere...

itni.. tanhaayi hai..zindagi......... kho...gayi....
baatein karne saari.. aa rahi.. hun...tujhse hi...ho..

maine mere jaana.... abb..hai.. jaana...
ishq tera... dard tera..haye.. [2]

tu jo gaya....aa....haaal ye mera rehta hai...
dil ye meraaaa...khud se hi tanha... rahta hai....

And i feel too.. lonely yea..
There's a better place from this emptiness...
And i’m tooo lonely yea..
There's a better place from this emptiness.. yei yei yei ya….

good thought for this year

“The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with nature.”

- Joseph Campbell

new year..new job...new start to life...

This year started with surprising news...cant really say bad or good... specially after me losing my camera with all the amazing memories I had capture of my family trip on new years celebration.... later same week I joined a new job my dream company... I am introduced to new lifestyle...new routine...hectic but new..

There is this sudden want of learning new things and faster...feeling of doing things which I like and need to make them perfect... curiosity to know more and do more.. but is the time enough... well with my very very busy traveling schedule i hardly get time with my family and with myself....
but then the year hasn't gone yet.. so y worry about things which i know will be with me for long...

Its just a start of a new year... new job and new start to my life.... so crossing my figures and hoping that i will do all that i want to.. and i will..

looking for brighter future..today n tomorrow...